December 2009
27 posts
2010
I’m hoping for big things.
Meh
I can’t believe people still think that getting over depression is a matter of “getting on with it” and “losing the negative thoughts”
If only it were that easy
A Smile Can Bring A Tear To Me
My 3-month old niece smiled at me today. A genuine, big smile.
There’s something so comforting about a smile from her. She’s too young to really understand, so there’s no ulterior motivations or meanings behind her smile. It’s just instinct.
She smiled at me because she felt moved to at that particular moment.
Absence
People think depression is about being sad, but it’s not even as simple as that.
It’s feeling a permanent state of numbness.
It’s the absence of feeling.
Trying
I haven’t been this lost in a long time.
Just trying to stay afloat.
One day at a time and all that.
6am and I haven’t slept yet. Days and nights are bleeding together. Is it December? Where did November go?
King Of Wishful Thinking
Sometimes I think that if only he could know about this, he would be flattered.
If it was filtered through his management, production studios etc, it wouldn’t be right.
Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part.
Enough
Enough is such a final word.
I’ve had enough.
This has gone far enough.
I didn’t do enough.
I’ll never be enough.
I’m not good enough.
Enough is enough.
Unsure
I don’t know why I made this tumblr.
Perhaps it was because I felt a bit more free to speak my mind, without worrying about being respectful to what I’m doing. This is more honest.
I try to explain to people that I’m finding it difficult, but I don’t think anyone can really understand. And I bought it on myself, so how do I reconcile with that?
If there is a part of me...
In the grand scheme of things, what concerns me and what I’m worried about might not matter.
But it’s my experience, and my truth and for now I can’t look at things on a macroscopic scale. I’m lucky if I can even see my way through to tomorrow.
Shit
…
If
Sometimes I catch myself thinking “well, what if he did see this? and what if he agreed to help in some way?”
And then the voice inside me says “you’re joking, right? things like this to happen to people like you.”
How am I ever supposed to put myself out there if the self doubt continues?
“the worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt”
– Sylvia Plath
“It’s a long-term health condition. People will get bored of hearing about it....”
– ‘If I Could Talk, I’d Tell You’ My Thirteenth Sad Day, Saturday, October 31st, 2009
“I would love to have that, that adrenaline rush just from seeing someone....”
– Robert Pattinson, GQ Australia, November 09
Dilemma
Sometimes it’s upsetting, but mostly it’s just frustrating, that feeling of believing you have a good idea, when your normal instinct is to not believe in yourself or anything you come up with.
That’s the dilemma I have now - I know my idea has great potential and can help a lot of people (including myself).
But no one seems to want to listen, and I don’t have the...
EverydayHero EmsCharityKiss Page →
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